Important info on the Stimulus Payment

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China . Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
"A. Shut up."


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan.

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .

None of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

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Not original, it is one of those "viral e-mails " flooding the inboxes of people around the country and probably the world. But the truth in it got me to pondering ... Why are the people so much smarter than their politicians? Why are we, the great unwashed masses, so much better able to predict what is going to happen, the results, than those people in Washington? Are they so sequestered from us mere mortals and isolated by their staffs that their knowledge is inbred? They only hear from people as isolated as themselves.

Surely there are many more humorous messages floating around than make it to my mailbox. As people add new ones the quantity in cyberspace should be nearing the number of Viagra ads. But there is another mechanism at work. The unfunny ones, and the funny ones without a logical under-pinning don't propagate as much. Is this "the Market"? A cumulative intelligence? What is called in the computer world distributed processing?

If so, why is this not circulating in the halls of Congress? Has the NSA shut off their Blackberrys too?

Waxman wake up.

Henry, why is your committee wasting its time investigating cheating in baseball? By that I mean steroid use. What next? Cheating in little league? That kid on the Orioles is really thirteen when the kids are supposed to be 12 or younger. Call a congressional investigation.

Henry, you are a member of the United States House of Representatives. You are supposed to be deliberating the finances and security of our country. If you have some trouble with that, see if you can't find a copy of the United States Constitution and read it. This is at best a local police issue -- except that it would be past the statute of limitations there.

What should he be looking at? The invasion of this country from Mexico? The war against the Western world from the Muslim extremists? What our response should be when (not if) we are attacked with NBC weapons? The gangs that have formed alternative governments in our cities and towns? The abuse of our welfare system by career recipients? Violence in schools?

What is he looking at? Six year old charges of steroid abuse? Yes. Use of human growth hormone which wasn't even illegal at that time? Yep. And the press is his accomplice in providing bread and circuses to a population that cares more about the baseball record book than their future way of life.